Here We Are
by Anhalir
Summary: Songfic of Shunsui's POV prior to coming to Karakura. ShunsuixNanao


So I finally got away from the school work! My last final was yesterday, and I am ready to be done with college. Senior year is ridiculous. I started writing this little fic when I was aggravated, probably with school. I am a biology major and it is exhausting to say the least. Research papers, presentations, and exams, I was glad when the semester finally ended, but it left me with this to finish. Now I can get back to the fun things and get some stuff finished! Writing fiction is definitely out of my comfort zone so gentle criticism is appreciated.

PS. Does anyone else besides me what to know what is going on with Nanao not being there?!?! We know exactly were every other vice captain is at and yet she is still completely off the radar. Makes me bite my nails in anticipation every time I see a manga update.

I own neither bleach nor the song "Here We Are". I do not have the prowess that Tite Kubo and Breaking Benjamin have in the creativity department.

_Sing it for me,_

_I can't erase the stupid things I say._

_You're better than me,_

_I struggle just to find a better way._

You never sing anymore; at least in front of me, that is. You used to skip through the barracks humming along the way. That was before we lost Lisa, and before our worlds came crashing down. Now I have to catch you singing by surprising you when you least expect my presence. A threatening glare and a book planted in my face are my reward, but that doesn't stop my attempts. The aching in my heart when I don't hear your pleasing hums is almost too much to bear.

I have driven you away from your childhood innocence and melodious laughter. Instead, I tease and flirt; endeavoring to show you how I feel. You roll your eyes delicately trying not to show your exasperation, but even I can admit that some of the things I say are ridiculous.

You devote every ounce of energy to the squad and officers. Most importantly, you devote yourself to endearing my bad habits and ostentatious actions. I may be Captain of the 8th, but you are the confidant and strength that keeps them stable. You know each name, and each life story. I can only hope to remember most of their faces. You endure and survive. No one ever expected you to last as my lieutenant, but I certainly hope you last for several more centuries.

I try everyday to inform you of the love I have for you, but every glare and threat makes me feel like you are pulling away from me. I can't comprehend how you do not realize that every pronouncement of my love is not a farce and that it comes from my heart. Ukitake constantly tells me that I need to try a different course, but it is difficult think of a mode that I know you will accept.

_So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars._

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

_The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone._

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

I fight to break through the barriers you have surrounding your heart and I hide the pain of failure behind a lackadaisical smile. Wounds of the heart heal so slowly, and I see the agony in your eyes. I will not leave your side; as a captain or a lover. Breathe and sooth your anger. I will not let this feeling go, but I am willing to give you space until I feel we are able to try again. The path to your heart is rugged and treacherous; even Matsumoto truly cannot help me. I must win you alone, or you will never understand the depths of the emotions I have for you. Your anger fades; distracted by your mounds of paper work. I breathe in the crisp scent of faded pages and worn leather. Perhaps I shall wait a little longer, before I open up to you again. The night is young and the birds sing sweetly, but I can't shack the chill of the brisk air. I have a lieutenant to win over, and I need to do it soon or I may not have a chance at all.

_You wouldn't like me._

_Keep moving on until forever ends._

_Don't try to fight me._

_The beauty queen has lost her crown again._

I know you felt it unfair of me to request you stay behind. I would hate for anything to happen to you, but worse is that I would hate for you to see me ruthless and unforgiving. You wouldn't like that version of me, and if I can keep you from seeing it I will do everything in my power to do so. I have seen hundreds of years of war and famine; it has made me quick to forgive and even quicker to smile, but I understand the need for war to come and go quickly.

I wish I could help you overcome your past; the burdens you have carried are far more than any child should have to bear. You can't let the past hinder your future. Move past it and seek the days to come instead of reminiscing about the things that have hurt you. You are too young and beautiful to be so grave and cold. A passionate fire burns deep within your soul, but I can't force it out and into the open. Don't try to fight me; I will always be here to protect you and to guide you.

You hold back the tears you desperately do not want me to see. I wish you knew how beautiful you are when you allow your emotions to show. You bottle them up and hide them deeply within yourself, and it's a shame you feel you must do that.

_So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars._

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

_The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone._

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

You silence is disheartening; as I inform you of our departure. Your stoic face wounds my soul and makes me question if you could truly ever love me. A sympathetic pat on the shoulder from my closest friends is the only solace I receive. They cannot help me show you the pain deep within me. I chip away miniscule pieces of the stone barrier you have built. It is a lonely job, but if I truly wish you to see me and accept me with open arms then I will carry the burden faithfully until my job is finished. I will wait patiently until you are ready. My resolve will not falter, and I will stand strong.

_So why are you so eager to betray?_

_Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up._

_So why are you the one that walks away?_

_Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up._

You follow me obediently to the Senkaimon, as the captains and lieutenants prepare to defend the decoy Karakura Town. Your facial features are unyielding, betraying the hurt and fear within your eyes. I rest my hand upon your cheek so that I can absorb the warmth that I feel every time I am close to you. Your eyes redden as you fight back the tears, but you pull away from me like my very touch is sickening to you.

You smile sadly and refuse to look into my eyes. The pieces of your fragile walls are crumbling and collapsing. You gather the strength to speak as you wish me a safe and quick return. My heart aches to see you so sad, but determination sets in. I will return to wipe those tears away.

Turning your back to us, the Senkaimon opens and we file through it and enter the living world. A fleeting need to see you again quickly causes me to turn and look back; before the gate completely closes. The rigid form of your spine walks away with confident step after confident step. You suddenly seize and fall; your muffled sobs are the last thing I hear as the gate's doors seal. It breaks my heart that I can't hold you until the pain goes away, but I know what I can do to make you smile again. I pick up the pieces of my wounded heart and flash a wistful smile as I stand and wait for Aizen's entrance. I readjust Katen Kyōkotsu on my hips, and feel the hum of readiness to finish this war and to return to you.

_So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars._

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

_The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone._

_I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye._

His blade strikes Katen Kyōkotsu with ferocity I did not anticipate. It is difficult to keep my mind on the battle before me when I know the pain I have inflicted on you by forcing you to stay behind. I will come back to you, and wipe away those tears. I will hold you till the pain subsides and all that is left is the heart I have been trying to get at for so long. This fight is mine and mine alone, but it is nothing in comparison to the years I have fought your stubborn and steadfast rules. I will come home to you, and then you will see, all those rules and regulations are unimportant. Let me show you what we could be.


End file.
